Song of the Week: I'm Outta Time

I have always loved Oasis. Since the first time I saw those goofy, uni-browed Brits doing pitch-perfect impressions of modern Beatle-isms on MTV, their songs have been like anthems for me. Let me get this out of the way. Yes, they are still around. Yes, they are still making music. And yes, a lot of it is still very, very good.

But all this is beside the point of selecting "I'm Outta Time" for this week's song. I've been dealing with humility a lot lately. I've been getting ahead of myself in a lot of areas, struggling to overcome the anxiety that rears its ugly head whenever I try to "solve" my problems on my own. I put the word solve in quotation marks for obvious reasons. I cannot, nor have I ever been able to, fix my life. Realizing that has been difficult over the past couple weeks.

My life group is just about finished with Charles Swindoll's So, You Want to Be Like Christ?, an excellent study that breaks down eight essentials of Christ's example that, as Christians, we should work to replicate in our lives. The list, Swindoll admits, is by no means exhaustive, but it is entirely practical. I've been blessed to lead the discussions of each chapter ("Surrender" was my favorite), but of all the weeks I had to miss, "Humility" was one I'm glad I did. Not because I'm perfect. I am far, far, far from it. And that's exactly why I was glad I missed that life group. I got more out of the chapter when I finally read it this morning, because of the events of the past few days than I might have had I read it during finals week. This isn't an excuse, but it is an example of God's great power to bring all things in order, to plant seeds that only come to bear fruit when He deems it appropriate.

I got very, very angry with a friend of mine this week. I felt betrayed, and my reaction was to say things I felt were (and still are) justified, but in an angry, resentful tone. Even before this happened, I have been struggling to understand where God is taking me and where I will follow Him next. But I have been looking at the "problems" in my life in the wrong light. I really like Chuck Swindoll because he can present the Bible in plain terms, not dumbing it down but revealing the lessons of the text in a light I often miss. My girlfriend notes that I have a great habit of burying myself in studies but failing to exhibit common sense. This week, and indeed this month, have given me many examples of this.

Near the end of the chapter "Humility," Swindoll presents three "postures" we can take to exercise the spiritual discipline of humility. The first posture is sitting. The story in Mark 10:35-45, where James and John ask God for the primo seats next to his throne, we learn that as Christians, we need to sit on promoting ourselves. Swindoll writes, "Trust God to promote you when He determines that the time is appropriate. When He calls you, then rely on His calling and obey His Word." The second posture is standing. In Philippians 2:3-11, Paul describes Jesus' example to tell Christians that we need to stand up for others. I'll return to this one in a second. The final posture is bowing. 1 Peter 5:5-7 is an exhortation for Christians to bow low before our God. Swindoll writes, "here Peter addresses the core issue, the foundational problem to lack of humility, the source of self-interst: anxiety, the worry that if we don't watch out for ourselves, nobody will." Humility is thus an act of faith, trusting God that He has all things in order and knows His plan for our purpose.

And this is exactly where I fail. I get anxious over the capablity of myself and others to lead, and I get discouraged about the changes I expect to come about. I become cynical in my doubts about God's plan. And that's exactly what it comes down to: doubt. I have failed to put my faith in God's plans and allowed my concerns to become worries that hinder my relationship with Him.

In the case of my friend, I failed to put that second posture into practice. Swindoll's study on the Philippians passage was particularly convicting, and it's worth quoting at length:

We can encourage others to be humble by being sensitive to them in their needs. Look for opportunities to meet the needs of others, especially those whom many would consider the least deserving. (You know the one. He or she quite possibly popped into your mind as you read the last sentence.) Think of the least liked or most obnoxious person, or that person who has made a royal mess of life. Stand up for him or her. How can you become a servant to that person? Think of something simple that you can do soon. Don't put it off -- do it. Then keep doing it.

Sure enough, my friend popped right into my head when I read that this morning. In fact, I could think of two people from that passage who stumbled -- my friend and myself. I had "made a royal mess" of my own life by failing to be humble, by failing to express the freedom to extend love and compassion that comes with surrendering to God's plan.

And I guess this is where the Oasis song comes into this blog. Sure, the lyrics are somewhat juvenile. Liam Gallagher, the singer, wrote this one, and he's no Dylan, not by a long shot. But the chorus is still particularly poignant for me:

If I'm to fall
Would you be there to applaud
Or would you hide behind them all
'Cause if I have to go
In my heart you'll grow
And that's where you belong

I did stand behind my emotion when a friend struggled, and I let my lack of humility get the better of my actions. My challenge over the next week is to realize that God has a plan that I may never understand but in which I am fortunate to play a part. What part I play, though, depends on my commitment to spiritual discipline. Paul wrote, "I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified" (1 Cor. 9:27). I do not want to be disqualified from my lack of humility, from my failure to have faith, or because of the anxiety that comes with my doubt. God has a plan, and all I can do is sit, stand, and bow as He commands.